Stop Putting Me Into A Box

White Privilege. It’s a relatively new word whose definition continues to be debated. It “kind of” refers to the white person who was born into all sorts of privileges and opportunities just for being white. The shooting of Mike Brown in Ferguson, MO and choking death of Eric Garner in Staten Island, NY this summer brought it to the forefront.

I’m white. I was born white to two loving, white parents. My dad was in the service so my very young years were spent in Germany mixing it up with other kids whose dads were also in the service. We didn’t know black from white back then even though we were living through the days when color and segregation were going on back home in the USA. Not us though. We just knew that there was a new kid around who made life more fun.

My parents were products of the Great Depression.  They grew up sharing a backyard in the Bronx. My mom was part Irish and part German and my dad came from two German parents. They grew up without a lot of anything and they never, ever muttered or said out loud any prejudiced or racist comments. That was carried down to their kids. We just didn’t grow up that way.

When we moved back to the States we played with kids in the neighborhood. Since we lived near an Army base, there was a mixed bag of kids in the playground and in our classrooms. In grades 1 – 3 we all wanted to ride in the back of the bus to school. That was because that’s where we could feel the best ruts in the road and bounce so high that we could hit our heads on the bus ceiling. We were all one with our bumped heads. My Brownie troop? It was the Heinz 57 of races and religions.

When my dad's job changed when I was in the fourth grade, we moved to another town by the New Jersey shore and our elementary school didn’t have any black kids. About half the kids were Jewish though and here again, our friends and traditions co-mingled.  My middle school and high school years were spent in public schools where the percentage of black, white and Latino students was pretty much evenly split.  It was the first time that I was picked on because I was white and because of the side of town that I lived in. It surprised me but didn’t make me hate or turn me away from the other kids of color. I never carried a chip on my shoulder towards anyone.

I went away to college. As a former military man and then elementary school teacher, my dad didn’t bring in buckets of money and my mom was a stay at home mom.  I worked two jobs each summer so that I could have spending money for school.  I also carried student loans into my working years and I paid them off.

I had a great career as a hard working contributor. I never made bunches of money or shot to the top of the corporation and that was due to my own life choices. I was let go from my company after an impressive (at least to me) career but I’m not going to blame someone or say it is because I am a woman or worse, I am an older, white woman. I lived my corporate life as I lived my personal life as an open, good-hearted person. I saw office politics all the time and frankly cursed myself for not being able to play those games because as everyone knows, those are the games that help a person get ahead.

Growing up and even now I’ve heard people say that they don’t want to work for “the man” or blame “the man” for not allowing them to get ahead. Who is “the man”; does that mean corporate America? I think that's an excuse for laziness. Even though you might not want to conform to the rules of an organization, it may be the only way to survive and thrive. Why would I not even consider creating a life for myself and family because I’d have to work for “him”? Would I rather my kids suffer for it? Because of "the man” I was able to buy a house, car, and take a vacation every now and again.

I understand that children living in impoverished neighborhoods have a tougher time catching a break and I get that times aren’t the same as when I was growing up. We had something in common back then: most of us had both parents at home and education was encouraged. As a former single parent I know about struggling to make ends meet. Still, when I was growing up, chasing the American Dream was activity pursued by everyone, not just by the white people. It seems to me that today, as a nation, we are moving backwards rather than forwards. The media and our government aren’t helping matters either and are stoking the fires of racism and inequality.

White privilege… it sounds so prissy and stuck up and yes, there are people who fall into that category. Because I'm white though, I’ve been told that I have no choice and I’m automatically thrown into that box.  Perhaps the media or whomever came up with the term should select another phrase or better yet, forget the colors and just use the word Americans. Maybe that will allow us to heal and move forward as one.

Stop the Cycle of Hatred

You know how some countries teach their children to hate America and Americans? I just read an article about kindergarteners in a school in North Korea who take turns stabbing a cartoon poster of an American soldier with the words, "We love playing military games knocking down the American bastards." There is another poster in the same classroom with a picture of an American with a noose around his neck. This one says, "Let's wipe out the U.S. imperialists."

Who remembers the video of the celebrations following 9/11 where the Palestinian children are seen rejoicing in the streets along with men and women; their mothers and fathers? There are countless articles that tell us that in mosques in the United States, Muslim children are being taught to hate America. Hate doesn’t hide; it’s all over the world.

We all know that children are malleable and will do whatever it takes to ensure that they are loved and accepted. Their display of hatred is praised and they equate that with love and approval. These examples show that children can be taught to hate at a very young age. They weren’t born hating, it came from their parents, grandparents, relatives, church/temple/mosque members, townspeople, family friends, school friends (who learned it from their families) or teachers.

Now, look at what is currently going on in our own country. There is consistent division based upon race, religion, sexual preference, gender. It started a long time ago and by people who have been dead for years. Their legacy of hate has been handed down from generation to generation. Why do we still have to listen to their intolerant, hating whispers?

Look in the mirror folks; this loathing is on all sides. Who wants to break the cycle, take off the blinders and teach our children about tolerance and respecting differences?

Writing Your Resume - Some Tips

A wonderful woman came to one of my workshops and at the end of the program, introduced herself and said that she was not getting any bites on her resume. She asked if she could email it to me for some feedback. Well, we have gone back and forth on four or five different revisions and I finally think that it is ready to send out or hand over to her network contacts. This woman used to work in the theater industry and has many (very interesting) stories about the types of things that she did to make the visiting artists feel comfortable and welcome in the new town or how she negotiated with various venues to receive substantial discounts. The thing is, none of her examples (her accomplishments) were on her resume. Her original resume was four pages long and a listing of her job responsibilities. No wonder she wasn't getting any hits.

While I give someone credit for reviewing everything they have done in the past, it doesn't help if their resume isn't focused to a particular position, highlight accomplishments and make the hiring manager immediately put it to the top of the pile.

Here’s what I do to involve a client in creating his or her own specific resume template. Perhaps you can do the same thing to prepare your own resume.
1. Research your old job by going to the company website and bringing up your former position. If that job or a similar job is there, you're lucky. Expand on responsibilities and make them measurable by asking questions such as:
a. Who did I work with? Internal? External? Where were they located?
b. How many clients did I have? (If applicable)
c. Within this position did I save money, time, create a process, design a procedure, etc.?
d. Looking at that position, what were my biggest accomplishments? What was I proud of? Why?
e. What did I like about this job? What didn’t I like?

2. Look up the type of position on any job board,or website ( ehow, Indeed.com, LinkedIn or the Bureau of Labor Statistics Occupational Outlook Handbook). Do the job responsibilities align with what I did? Is there new wording that can be incorporated into the resume (new buzz words, technology, jargon)? Expand on these by asking:
a. Have I done these types of activities before? What specifically were the results?
b. Could I jump into this job tomorrow? Why? Capture the specific activities that support this.
c. Why am I perfect for this job? Again, capture the specific activities that support this.

3. Go to the online pages of the companies that you are interested in working for. Read the “About Us”, “Our Philosophy”, and “Our Employees” type of pages and read the wording. Ask yourself:
a. What have I done in the past that supports this company philosophy, etc.?
b. How would I fit into this company?
c. Why would this company want me?

All in all it is a lot of questioning, note taking and thinking. The responses are then culled down to specific wording and resume format. It's a great start, you are writing your own resume and in the long run, see yourself as an accomplished player with skin in the game.

The Exploratory Interview

The other day a client asked me for some assistance with an upcoming exploratory interview. Being that this woman is always on top of things, she googled the phrase and found out that an exploratory interview is similar to the informational interview. That interview can be defined as a meeting usually prompted by the job seeker, to gather information about a job, career field, industry or company.

This time, my client was asked to participate in a forty minute informational or exploratory meeting with the department head of a brand new internal organization. She thinks it’s because she interviewed with this person several months ago, before he was tasked with organizing this new department. While she didn’t get the open position back then, she has kept in touch with him and lately emailed him a short note about a recent accomplishment. 
Perhaps this manager or someone else in the new group wants her to come in to get a feel for her background and experience as they relate to the new department.

I suggested that she prepare for this interview as she would for any other interview; the only difference is that she doesn't have a job description or listing of position responsibilities. Since the recruiters in her organization use a list of canned competencies or soft skills during every interview, she followed those as she discussed with me her general tasks, projects and accomplishments. She has interviewed before and is familiar with the STAR (Situation, Task, Actions, and Results) behavioral method so we rehearsed several examples of her accomplishments.
We also covered some basic interviewing questions such as:
Tell me about yourself.
What are your strengths?
What are your weaknesses?
Where do you see yourself in five years?
This department will be tasked with ____. How do you see yourself and your skill set fitting in?
Finally, we came up with a list of questions to ask the interviewer. They included:

1. Will you be hiring for a particular position? (This might come out in the exploratory interview but if not, ask ).
2. What skills are needed to succeed?
3. What is the one skill that is needed for this position that I might be missing? How would you suggest that I correct it?
4. What advice would you give to a newcomer to your department? What mistakes do you think newcomers make when they start in your department?h

In the end we found that like any interview, preparation is key for the exploratory interview. You may not know the questions that will be asked but your preparation will go a long way in determining your confidence and grace under pressure.

Job Search and the Parent

If you know anything about me you know that I give job search training classes.  I have a series of about eight or so that I bring out on the road. Most of them are free to the public and come with a boatload of free worksheets and examples. The classes are usually full of people who have attended such classes before and most likely want to learn one or two different

things that might make their resume(s) stand out or make their interviews more polished and professional.

Another thing that you might know about me is that as a former corporate trainer I grew up designing and implementing learning and development programs.  One thing about teaching adults is that they can’t stand boring speeches and will sit in a class wondering WIIFM (what’s in it for me).  If I just stand there and drone on about the ins and outs of job search, all they’ll hear is the sounds the teacher made in the Charlie Brown television specials.. Because I know that time is of the essence in adult learning, anyone who comes to my classes has to work.  They complete worksheets, participate in role-plays, talk in small groups or start to create their LinkedIn profiles.

I’ve noticed something lately in the classes that is starting to concern me; many times a young adult cannot attend the training and will send his or her mother (usually) or father in his place.  The parent takes copious notes and completes all the exercises on behalf of their child. They then ask for extra materials so that they can bring a fresh set home to their son or daughter. The kids aren’t at work as mom and dad will tell me. So where are they?  Sometimes a parent will tell me that they are attending because they can’t stand that their child can’t find work (and the “child” won’t attend the free training on their own). I can understand if your child is working or still commuting when the session starts at 7:00 pm.  I am a parent and if this were the case I would step in to help too.

What’s going on? If you are a parent and are attending training for your child, why?

Time to Shake Up Your Job Search

Today I was getting ready to for work and I thought of something interesting (at least to me). I’m using the same brand of mascara that I’ve used since I was a teenager. Now I know, who cares and all that. Later on as I was driving I thought that mascara along with the old cliché, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Then I thought of something Tony Robbins said that I like better, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” 

That mascara/change thing stuck with me all day, especially when I read an article in the Huffington Post about the discouraged job seeker and how a recent survey conducted by the John J. Heldrich Center for Workforce Development at Rutgers University found that 1 out of 5 workers laid off in the past five years are still unemployed. That statistic angers me, especially since I know that many of those unemployed come to my job search classes and are very skilled and personable job seekers.  Most have a lot to offer any organization if only given a chance. I wouldn’t be surprised one bit if that statistic was even higher considering all the discouraged job seekers and the under employed workers.

Getting back to the mascara (or any activity that you may continue to do just because you’ve always done it that way). Perhaps the long-term unemployed or new job seeker might want to consider a new way to approach the job search. They might want to evaluate why the resumes that they’re using aren't getting them phone calls to come in for interviews.  Or, their resumes might be fine and they are getting interviews but then they aren’t getting call backs. Or, they are submitting resume after resume electronically and not thinking about networking. Or they haven’t created a complete package; social media and personal identity. Or, and this is important, they aren’t doing anything to fill in the gap of unemployment such as volunteering, going to school or training, consulting or owning a business.

I’m not saying that the long-term unemployed aren’t looking or working hard enough to find meaningful work. I know that they are. But like the mascara, it might be the same old same old and time to shake things up a bit. I plan to dump that mascara tomorrow.

My Memories of September 11th

From 9/11 Museum. Antenna from World Trade Center tower in front of the shades of blue sky art display.

On September 11, 2001 our mom had been in Monmouth Medical Center in Long Branch, NJ since the day before when she was operated on for colon cancer. The news wasn’t good, it was going to be a hard day.

That morning was gorgeous. The sky was crystal blue, cloudless and there was no humidity; a perfect beach day. I was at my mom’s getting ready to go over to the hospital when my sister called. “Turn on the TV, a plane has crashed into the World Trade Center”, she said.  “How awful.”She called again as the second plane hit and we realized like so many others that this wasn’t an accident.

As I drove the few miles to the hospital I turned on the radio to NJ101.5. Jim Gearhart was on and relaying bits and pieces of information as he received them.  No one knew what was happening.  It was chaotic and I remember praying out loud as I drove.

Up in my mother’s room the television was turned on to the horror going on across the river. We were just told that she had only nine to eighteen months left to live and she was trying to be very positive and comforting to us. It should have been the other way around but that was her way. The windows in her corner room faced the Atlantic Ocean to the east and NY City to the north. When we looked to the left, we could see the smoke from the city skyline in the distance. There was a little boat in the ocean. The sunlight was dancing across the water like little diamonds and I remember wondering if the people on board were oblivious to what was going on just across the river.

As we watched as the first tower came down my mother said that what she was going through paled in comparison to what was happening in NY.

There are other things that I remember from that day like how my mom told me that her roommate who had just had a double mastectomy cried all night. Also, her roommate didn’t have insurance and therefore wasn’t given the little bucket of toiletries that all patients receive, so my mother gave her the lotion and powder from her own bucket. I also remember that a doctor came in while the news was on and made a distasteful comment about what was going on. When the plane crashed in Somerville, PA I panicked because my kids were in school in Somerville, N.J. So many bits and pieces from that fateful day.

I also remember that the hospital evacuated all patients with non- life threatening illnesses or injuries to make room for the patients from NY who never came.We bundled up our mom and drove her back home. The road was empty.

Three thousand souls were lost that day in NY, Washington and PA. May we always honor and remember them. The world changed forever on September 11, 2001.