A friend of over 53 years and I “broke up”. It was a hard thing to understand and needless to say, these past few weeks, since we had words, I’ve felt as if I am in mourning. I know that our parting is for the best as our relationship had become toxic and one sided. I hung in there because I felt as if I had to and that’s no way to feel in a friendship.
So how do you know if it is time to “break up” with a good friend. There are signs.
1. When your friend calls, you no longer feel like speaking to him or her.
2. When you do speak, you feel wrung out and exhausted afterwards.
3. Your conversations are strictly one-sided. There is no equity.
4. When you need help, you don’t get any.
5. Your friend tries to break your spirit with his/her words and or actions. Their words may be parental, spiteful and ugly.
6. You no longer “like” who this person is and inwardly cringe at many of his or her comments, actions or behaviors.
My friend and I parted ways after she lied to me and then said some very ugly words about me, my family and my life. No one has ever spoken to me as she did, and I doubt very much if I can find forgiveness in my heart after that eruption.
If you feel uncomfortable with a friendship and feel that you need some time away or a break, there are some things you can do.
1. Be honest. Explain how you feel. Stay away from words like, “You always…” Instead, say, “I feel”.
2. Be factual. If you have real life examples of something provide them.
3. Be straightforward, state what you want. (a break, a change in direction)
No one wants to lose a friend, especially one with whom you’ve shared half a lifetime. There are times though, when we need to move on and sometimes that means a breakup. And like the song says, breaking up is hard to do.
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