Stop Putting Me Into A Box

White Privilege. It’s a relatively new word whose definition continues to be debated. It “kind of” refers to the white person who was born into all sorts of privileges and opportunities just for being white. The shooting of Mike Brown in Ferguson, MO and choking death of Eric Garner in Staten Island, NY this summer brought it to the forefront.

I’m white. I was born white to two loving, white parents. My dad was in the service so my very young years were spent in Germany mixing it up with other kids whose dads were also in the service. We didn’t know black from white back then even though we were living through the days when color and segregation were going on back home in the USA. Not us though. We just knew that there was a new kid around who made life more fun.

My parents were products of the Great Depression.  They grew up sharing a backyard in the Bronx. My mom was part Irish and part German and my dad came from two German parents. They grew up without a lot of anything and they never, ever muttered or said out loud any prejudiced or racist comments. That was carried down to their kids. We just didn’t grow up that way.

When we moved back to the States we played with kids in the neighborhood. Since we lived near an Army base, there was a mixed bag of kids in the playground and in our classrooms. In grades 1 – 3 we all wanted to ride in the back of the bus to school. That was because that’s where we could feel the best ruts in the road and bounce so high that we could hit our heads on the bus ceiling. We were all one with our bumped heads. My Brownie troop? It was the Heinz 57 of races and religions.

When my dad's job changed when I was in the fourth grade, we moved to another town by the New Jersey shore and our elementary school didn’t have any black kids. About half the kids were Jewish though and here again, our friends and traditions co-mingled.  My middle school and high school years were spent in public schools where the percentage of black, white and Latino students was pretty much evenly split.  It was the first time that I was picked on because I was white and because of the side of town that I lived in. It surprised me but didn’t make me hate or turn me away from the other kids of color. I never carried a chip on my shoulder towards anyone.

I went away to college. As a former military man and then elementary school teacher, my dad didn’t bring in buckets of money and my mom was a stay at home mom.  I worked two jobs each summer so that I could have spending money for school.  I also carried student loans into my working years and I paid them off.

I had a great career as a hard working contributor. I never made bunches of money or shot to the top of the corporation and that was due to my own life choices. I was let go from my company after an impressive (at least to me) career but I’m not going to blame someone or say it is because I am a woman or worse, I am an older, white woman. I lived my corporate life as I lived my personal life as an open, good-hearted person. I saw office politics all the time and frankly cursed myself for not being able to play those games because as everyone knows, those are the games that help a person get ahead.

Growing up and even now I’ve heard people say that they don’t want to work for “the man” or blame “the man” for not allowing them to get ahead. Who is “the man”; does that mean corporate America? I think that's an excuse for laziness. Even though you might not want to conform to the rules of an organization, it may be the only way to survive and thrive. Why would I not even consider creating a life for myself and family because I’d have to work for “him”? Would I rather my kids suffer for it? Because of "the man” I was able to buy a house, car, and take a vacation every now and again.

I understand that children living in impoverished neighborhoods have a tougher time catching a break and I get that times aren’t the same as when I was growing up. We had something in common back then: most of us had both parents at home and education was encouraged. As a former single parent I know about struggling to make ends meet. Still, when I was growing up, chasing the American Dream was activity pursued by everyone, not just by the white people. It seems to me that today, as a nation, we are moving backwards rather than forwards. The media and our government aren’t helping matters either and are stoking the fires of racism and inequality.

White privilege… it sounds so prissy and stuck up and yes, there are people who fall into that category. Because I'm white though, I’ve been told that I have no choice and I’m automatically thrown into that box.  Perhaps the media or whomever came up with the term should select another phrase or better yet, forget the colors and just use the word Americans. Maybe that will allow us to heal and move forward as one.