Remembering the People Who Shaped Us

 

Me as a young "Jr. Trainer".

Have you ever noticed how certain people come to mind at unexpected moments? Maybe it is when you have accomplished something, reached a milestone, or handled a situation in a way that feels distinctly like you. Suddenly, someone from your school days or early in your career surfaces in your thoughts, as if they are quietly behind the scenes of your success.

I have had a few of these people in my own life and career, individuals who, often without knowing it, influenced how I developed my own style at work and in life. They were not necessarily formal mentors or supervisors. Sometimes they were teachers, early colleagues, or simply people I admired from afar. What they shared, in different ways, were qualities that left a lasting impression, confidence, kindness, curiosity, integrity, or a steady belief in me before I fully believed in myself.

Early in my career at Chubb Insurance, I was a Junior Training Associate, back when we still called it “Training” rather than Learning and Development. That’s where I worked with a colleague named Mark. Looking back now, he probably was not that much older than me, but at 23 I thought he was ancient.

Mark was an excellent instructor. He was funny, engaging, and, most importantly, he knew how to get his points across. Watching him in the classroom, I did not just see a good trainer, I saw the kind of professional I wanted to become. I admired his style and, in many ways, wanted to be just like him.

One day my manager assigned me to a sales training program, the same one Mark delivered, with the goal of cross training me. My first task was simply to observe him. I sat quietly in the back of the room, taking copious notes, not just on the content but on how he moved, how he handled questions, how he read the room, and how he kept people engaged.

A few days later, I was asked to present parts of that same program to Mark alone so he could give me feedback. I remember feeling nervous. This was my chance to step into a role I admired, guided by someone I deeply respected.

To make a long story short, I memorized the program and delivered it almost exactly as Mark had. I used his jokes, his mannerisms, even many of his questions. In effect, I became a mini Mark. I remember feeling proud of myself, after all, I had replicated what I thought was excellent training.

Afterward, Mark took me aside to give me feedback. As you can imagine, his response was both kind and insightful. He told me, gently but clearly, that while I had done a good job, I could not simply be a copy of him. If I wanted to be effective, I needed to make the program my own.

He encouraged me to develop my own opening, use my own questions, and lean into my own style and way of persuading an audience. You have to make it relatable to yourself, he said, before you can make it relatable to others. After doing that, we’d try it again.

That day opened my eyes to the power of going off script, of creating and delivering training that felt authentic, human, and relatable rather than simply rehearsed. It changed the way I approached my work from that point forward.

Over the years, I went on to design and deliver a multitude of programs and work with hundreds of people. I’ve been told that my style feels non threatening, accessible, and easy to connect with, feedback that has always meant a great deal to me. But what mattered most was this. Participants did not just enjoy the training, they actually used what they learned and succeeded with it. For me, that has always been the most meaningful level of training evaluation.

In many ways, that early lesson from Mark shaped not just how I trained others, but how I showed up as a professional. My hope is that I have been able to do the same for others along the way.

One of the themes in Caitlin’s Star is remembering the people who have made a difference in our lives. Mark is one of those people for me, not someone I remember only in the past, but someone whose influence is very much alive today. We still occasionally keep in touch, and his impact continues to show up in how I work, how I teach, and how I treat others.